Piggott’s Porkies #4: Piggott’s mad auntie cleaned up the Thames then turned into a carrot
It is perhaps little wonder that Piggott is a total genius, because he comes from a long line of geniuses (surely genii? Ed). In fact his aunt was responsible for cleaning up the Thames, shortly before turning into a human carrot. Piggott fills us in:
“Me auntie Brian was this mad professor right, and in the Sixties she invented this chemical that cleaned up the Thames, which is why today you can walk across from Wapping to Westminster on the heads of gallivanting sea horses.
“Trouble was, she really WAS mad, and became obsessed with eternal life, so she drank gallons of carrot juice every day. In the end she went orange – apart from her hair which went green – and expired from t’osmosis. We buried her standing up.
“I tried to sue her grocer-cum carrot dealer for her untimely demise - but I got nowt."
Mark Liam Piggott's novel 'Fire Horses' is out on 31st May.
Pre-order your copy now - £5.99 
Lucy
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